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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:38 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. |
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1) i hurt: myself
2) i love: my very few buddies
i don't know what happened to #3, i think i deleted it...oops
4) i cry: all the time
5) i fear: mayonaise, heights, abandonment
7) i am saddened: by pretty much everything
8) i feel alone: when i'm alone
9) i kill: myself
11) i listen: more than people think i do...the problem is remembering
12) i break: my own heart
13) i see: a pathetic girl
14) i smell: my fingers ;o) ...bad joke
15) i taste: my fingers ;o) ...it was even worse that time
19) i hide: my feelings...very poorly
20) i pray: i do?
21) i walk: far too much
22) i drive: off a cliff
24) i burn: candles
25) i breathe: air
26) i play: the guitar and bass
27) i miss: RW, my Alie, ballet, my sisters and brother and my nefews, feeling happy
29) i feel: depressed by my pointless life
30) i know: that i will never accomplish anything in my life
32) i dream: of Jeanie
34) i want: to be content
35) i fall: down the stairs
36) i wait: for my bedtime...i'm tired but i feel like it's not time to sleep yet...dunno why
37) i need: love and patience, i'm very fragile, handle with care
38) i live: unfortunately
39) i die: every time i see Phill smile
40) Been kissed?: yes
44) Been dumped?: far too many times to count
45) Gotten in a car accident?: yeah, not when i was driving though
46) Hiked a mountain?: yes
47) Made homemade cookies?: just yesterday actually, on the floor too.
48) Been in love?: :oD
-- Either/Or --
50) Cold or hot?: hot
51) Lace or satin?: satin
52) Blue or Red?: red
54) Rain or snow: rain
55) Give or receive?: both
56) Wool or cotton?: wool
57) Rose or Daisy?: daisy
58)Spring or fall?: spring
-- Opposite sex(or same or both) --
65) Do you like someone right now?: no...i LOVE him....i=dork
66) Do they know?: yes
67) What do you look for in the whichever sex?: intelligence, laid-back-ness, goofiness, comfortable with who they are(willing to admit that they're a dork and that they're not always right etc.), sexy(it does matter, i don't care what anyone says), respectful.
-- Your Friends --
68) Do you have a best friend?: yes, i have 2
69) Who's your funniest friend?: haha, which is my least funniest...all my friends are hillarious
70) Who do you e-mail the most?: none really...probably my dad. this summer will probably be my alie though
72) Who's the loudest: me probably...but i'm not my friend, probably Alie again
73) Who has the best room?: mmmm, i dunno, Phill has a lot of nice rooms ;o)...keegans bed is the best and he has a lot of insturments...none are really great though.
76) Had a serious talk?: umm, ya
77) Hugged someone?: last night
78) Fought with a friend?: unfortunately i fight with my Phill too much. but that's more of just arguing and taking anger out on eachother....never lasts more than maybe half a day. but still sucks.
Do you like to --
79) Give hugs?: i love it
80) Give back rubs?: yes
81) Take walks in the rain?: yes
82) If you got a tattoo, what would it be and where?: i want the Alk3 devils from the cover of sundials 7 on the back of my left calf, a daisy on the second toe of my left foot, i'm getting a lily on my right ankle, 3 tiny black stars on the insides of each wrist...i want more but those are the only that are set in stone...but areas i want are behind my ear, my lower back, and somewhere on my arms most likely.
88) How do you plan on spending next summer: well, it is summer. this summer with be backpacking...next summer i'll probably be working and backpacking when possible.
-- When was the last time you --
89) Smiled?: i'm not sure. probably this afternoon when i saw legally blond 2, it was really good actually.
90) Laughed?: also probably at legally blond 2
91) Cried?: this evening
92) Bought something?: today i bought facial clenser, toner, and a blemish stuff. all are all natural.
93) Danced?: probably yesterday or something
94) Were sarcastic?: i'd be willing to bet it wasn't long ago. probably on this survey.
95) Kissed someone?: last night
96) Watched your favorite movie?: i don't have a favorite
97) Had a nightmare?: probably last night.
98) Last book you read: Fight Club(Chuck Palahniuk)...now i'm reading Choke(Chuck Palahniuk[he better write another book because i'm all out of chuck books]) and The Lovely Bones(don't know who it's by but it's really good)
99) Last movie you saw: Legally Blond 2
100) Last song you heard: something off the new tori amos cd...i don't remember what it's called...something about Las Vegas...hmm...
101) Last thing you had to drink: red mt. dew
102) Last time you showered: this afternoon
103) Last thing you ate: salami, green grapes, pita bread with hummos...mmmm dinner.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 4:59 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | tori amos. |
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just got out of the mental hospital the other day. i'm feeling a lot better.
i'll write about it later...but i'm lazy right now.
YOU BEAT OLD LADIES FOR PILLS!!!
what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 7:02 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. |
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i've been having the worst time lately. i've been so depressed and sad. i keep having dreams of phil having sex with other girls and i have so much rage even though i know they're dreams. i had to take klonopin this morning at 8 just because i'd been so angry from last night's dream which i woke up from at 4...i don't get it...maybe i need some happier music to sleep to.
i'm too fucking emotional right now and i can't take it.
time to go cry...hopefully i can talk to phil on the phone.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
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Saturday, April 26th, 2003
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| Time: | 3:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. |
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Pancakes are good:o)
I really want to go backpacking next weekend. it would be so much fun.
KEEGAN!! where are you!!
we need band practice but you're bye bye:o(
*cry*
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
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| Time: | 1:35 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | tori amos: cornflake girl. |
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not much is new.
pam gave me acupuncture yesterday which was very nice. then she put in some permanent acupuncture needles in my legs and neck...the 2 in my neck fell out pretty quickly though. but the 4 in my legs feel great.
i'm going to take some b&w pictures of phil in the shower wearing his raingear and backpack and hiking boots. they'll be really cool and abstract and artsy. i'm excited for them.
blah blah blah........
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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Name: Liz
Age: 17
Age you feel: 17 because it fucking sucks...maturity-wise, older
describe you: dork!!!!!
describe how you look: ummm, dark brown hair, brown eyes, 5'9", 1_3lbs., damn sexy!!!! err, wait...
What are your guilty pleasures? strawberries with vanilla frosting, pasta, subway, taco bell, any mexican food...and sex
What's your most traumatic childhood experience? well, the times my dad held knives to my throat, tried to choak me, and hit me...a lot...do you want me to choose one moment, cause i can't.
Do you love your mother? no, but i care for her because she's my mom
What's the best way to make a smore? make the marshmallow golden brown...and a lot of chocolate
Are you a team player? depends
What do you believe in? my friends, that bush is a fucking dumbass
LOVE
Have you ever been in love? yes
Can one love a person as just a friend if there is a potential for one to love that same person as more? Yes
Are you, like, bi? like, yes
If not are you gay? nope
If not, then you're straight, right? uhhh, no
Who gives you butterflies? my Phil
Do you believe in totally platonic friendship with a member of the preferred sex(es)? yes...stares at alie and keegs and wait!! all my friends!!!
Who's your big secret crush? i don't have one to my knowledge
Do you believe in True love? yes
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/associate/sex slave/pig dressed up in a clown suit right now? yes
Do you think people in love should do little things for each other, such as taking it up the ass? yeah...thank you phil for you know what;o)
Do you consider premarital sex...evil? hell no, i'm not religious
Do you consider premarital sex...necessary? No (insert sarcasitc comment here)(had to take that from keegs)
Give us a hot sex tip? 2 words: anal play.
DRUGS + ALCOHOL
Are you the stonin'/shootin'/smokin'/snortin'/swallowin' type? swollowin'...used to be the stonin', but not anymore.
What's your best drug story? definently the perkaset experience where i ended up with over 100 bruises caused by bite marks.
If not a junkie, what's the best drug story you've heard from one of your stupid, substance-addled dumb stupid friends? ummm, *shrug*
And if not, are you high on life? depends if i'm on drugs at the time...rei on klonopin is very nice
Do you enjoy and/or frequently drink alcohol? yes...not frequently...but yes
Have you ever used a hose or a funnel to drink? no, i'm not a beer slut
FAVORITE
Advice? "maybe you don't go to hell for the things you do, maybe you go for the things you don't do" --I love that book (lulaby by chuck palanhuik)
Advice for someone you don't like? "Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield" --Brand New: seventy times seven
Activity to do on a rainy day? lol, i live in seattle...everything is done on a rainy day
Activity to do with other people? depends on the people ;oD
Activity to do anytime? hmm, i wonder...
Someone on t.v. who bugs you to teeth gritting: NO KEEGS!! The Olsen Twins rock!!! I pick...kelly osbourne
favorite soup: eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!
favorite steak: eh...steak type?
favorite type of meat: sausage!!
favorite veggie: green beans probably...or baby carrots, mmmm brocolli, or peas, or corn, or lettuse...i like veggies
favorite fruit: strawberries
birthday: march 25
birthplace: Seattle(capitol hill to be exact)
eye color: brown
height: 5'9"
ethnicity: white (french, german, native american, and some other european countries)
hair style: mine when i do it nicely.......didn't they ask us what we look like earlier? yes
tattoos: 0, will have at least 7
piercings: 8, used to be 10...will have a lot more
fave lipstick color: slutty make up
fave nailpolish color: black or red
fave makeup brand: something like NYC something...it's a dollar for really good eyeliner...and i love eyeliner!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 5th, 2003
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Last night i was fatisizing about stabbing myself and twisting the kniffe. i was thinking about how good it would feel to gut myself.
that was kind of weird...
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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| Time: | 10:07 am. |
| Mood: | depressed. | | Music: | Best of me: The starting line. |
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I've been having the worst week or so. i've been having panic attacks non-stop and i've been too depressed to move. i've been bored out of my mind but unable to leave my bed even to go to the bathroom. i just want to curl up and die!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:53 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. |
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A - Act your age? don't think so
B - Born on what day of the week? tuesday
C - Chore you hate? vacuuming
D - Dad's name? dale
E - Essential makeup item? i don't usually wear make-up, but probably black eyeliner. i guess chapstick, but that's not really make-up.
F - Favorite actor? could care less
G - Gold or silver? silver
H - Hometown? seattle
I - Instruments you play? guitar/bass
J - Job title? student
K - Kids? NEVER
L - Living arrangements? with my mom and sister katie...hopefully will be moving to my dad's house in a few months
M - Mom's name? mary
N - Number of people you've slept with? one
O - Overnight hospital stays? not recently
P - Phobia? heights, ladders, the dark, any height that i can see what is under me...i like being on the firm ground
Q - Quote you like? "
R - Religious affiliation? nothin'
S - Siblings? Katie-18, Leasa-late 30's?, Troy-early-mid 40's?, Graydon-late 40's?
T - Time you wake up? 6:30 for school, about 9-9:30 weekends
U - Unique habit? i have some...i have to flip through the channels in a specific order...i'm sure i have more.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? sqaush, brussle sprouts
W - Worst habit? procrastinating and biting my fingernails
X - X-rays you've had? teeth, knee, i believe i had quite a few on my chest when i was younger
Y - Yummy food you make? cake, pasta, sandwiches...stuff
Z - Zodiac Sign? aries
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Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!
What kind of porno would you star in?
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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| Time: | 8:31 am. |
| Mood: |  bitchy. | | Music: | silence....boredom.....ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!. |
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I still have an hour of school today!?!?!? Man that sucks!!
i'm so bored, i want to go home!!
i want to see phil today, i didn't get to see him yesterday:o(
i'm in the shittiest mood. i've been feeling like crap lately. this must just be the start of that whole, being 17 sucks a lot of balls thing.
hopefully Phil, Keegs, and i will get to go backpacking on saturday night, i know i can go. so hope hope hope, it's been so long since phil and i have gone backpacking.
being on the phone with phil while he tries to do yoga makes me laugh.
blah blah blah, more trying to take up time....not working! not working!!
I NEED SOMETHING TO DO!!!!!!! if i had my purse with me i would go get some coffee, but noooooo, i had to forget it today *cry*
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Thursday, March 27th, 2003
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so, my birthday was on tuesday. i got some cool new clothes, a new comforter, and a red cover for it. plus, an Ani CD(evolve) from my sister and another Ani CD(Dilate) from Phil. Phil also gave me a cake and flowers and lots of candy...plus there are still 2 days of "Lizicah". hehe:o)
i haven't gotten this much attention on my birthday before. i haven't had a birthday cake in a few years, and i haven't had the birthday song in a few years either.:o):o)
my mom wants to move to hawaii. i think she should. i could go live with my dad. i think it would be good for my mom. and also, i'd get to go to hawaii whenever i wanted:o)
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| Time: | 11:29 am. |
| Mood: | annoyed. | | Music: | Alk3: good mourning. |
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i stretched my left ear to 00g last night/this morning. i really wish it wasn't so sore, or i would put in my earlet. the taper is pretty heavy. i took some ibuprophun, hopefully i'll be able to change the jewelry before phil gets here.
grrrrrrr...
the taper is annoying me, i want my ears to be pretty:o(
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Last night i went back to Cellophane Square and Tower with Phil and Keegan. I got Heather Duby: Post to Wire, Badly Drawn Boy: All Possiblities, and Sonic Youth: Daydream Nation.
I filled Phil's old CD case perfectly after searching around the house's CD players for my CD's and adding my new finds...i just saved one space for the new Alkaline Trio CD.
Time to paint the bathrooms...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
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| Time: | 1:25 pm. |
| Mood: | bitchy. | | Music: | Gin Blossoms: Found out About You. |
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yesterday was mucho fun. i got a red guitar keychain/bottle opener at REI(i think alie has one) and a new maglight. i also got 3 used cd's. i got Tori: Under the Pink, Fiona: Tidal, and Gin Blossoms: New Miserable Experience(that was my favorite tape when i was like 6-10...and now i have it on cd:o)
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balerinaliz's journal
awake.